OMH spoke to Matt Wheeler this week about our biggest game of the season. Subjects raised included diving, religion, Olly Cotton’s girth and Skipper.
OMH: Hello Matt.
MW: Hello Wheels, how are you?
OMH: Good thanks, how are you?
MW: Yeah can’t complain.
OMH: How’s your knee?
MW: Sore, still bruised a bit but yeah it’s a lot better.
OMH: Will you be playing today?
MW: Yeah, I’m a sub, but hopefully it will improve and I will then be available to start next week.
OMH: Right, Today is a big game for us, massive in fact, against Xotic. A team that you have had success against in the past. What does the Xotic game mean to you? How big is it as a derby game?
MW: I think it’s a game that we should be looking at to win. We’ve played against them most seasons, since we’ve been formed. At the start we were always much better than them and then they improved their standard a bit, but we are probably at a similar standard. We are possibly better.
OMH: Why do you think they seem to change their name every year? What’s your opinion of that?
MW: (bursts out laughing) Obviously can’t make their minds up!!
OMH: You scored the club’s first ever hat-trick against them when they were called The Railway is that one of your proudest moments as a Ranger?
MW: It’s got to be said that my second goal Olly did really well at. I’ll be honest he surprised me really. Yeah it was first season about four or five games in and it’s always nice to get some goals.
OMH: Yeah, that’s one part of your game that people have been critical of you over the years. You’ve only scored 12 goals in 123 appearances. I know you do set a few goals up, but would you like to be grabbing a few more yourself?
MW: Yeah of course, as long as I’m playing well then it is not the biggest thing. I know I’m only really scoring one goal a season but I think I have quite a positive influence on the team. So you know as long as other people are scoring it doesn’t matter.
OMH: How do you think you’re playing this season? I know you have only played a handful of games, but how do you feel your form has been?
MW: Well,
patchy some games I think I’ve done well in and others, you know I don’t think
I’ve played badly I think I’ve had games where I haven’t got into the match. But
I don’t think when I’ve been involved I’ve let myself or the team down.
OMH: Okay, what Derby would you compare the Headstone V Xotic game to?
MW: It’s got to be up there with Milan derby, Barcelona v Real Madrid. Of course Tottenham versus Spurs, oops I meant Arsenal.
OMH: As big as that?
MW: As big if not bigger!!
OMH: So are we going to get a result today, with the line up that we will probably have?
MW: You can never say never, obviously we are missing a few players, 50p is absent, he’s at church. I’m not a big fan of religion. This my religion!!
Matt stands up and goes over to his Leeds shirt and kisses the badge, and then him and the interviewer just piss themselves laughing for about five minutes.
MW: No I think we will do alright today, it’s not a bad team. We possibly lack a bit of width.
OMH: We are missing the legendary Skipper today, what has Skip brought to us over his 125 appearances?
MW: To be fair Skipper is just a legend, I can’t really express what Skip mean’s to the club, he’s just Skipper! Last week he played right back, I know this isn’t his favourite position but I thought he had an excellent game. He gave me a license to get forward which is always nice.
OMH: Tour this year, Rotterdam looks the likely location, we haven’t got a captain on tour. We have no Skip, no 50p or the Captain wannabe Clarkey. Would you like the job?
MW: I captained the side once, and I thought that I played quite well. I wouldn’t mind being Captain on tour, I think I would lead by example to an extent. Try and work hard and be positive. I mean there are a lot of possible players who could do the job.
OMH: Who?
MW: (Long pause) I can’t think of any (bursting out laughing)
OMH: What is your favourite moment on tour? Is their incident on tour that you thought was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen?
MW: I unfortunately didn’t see Marc Farmer appear out of the smoke in the nightclub last tour. Anything involving a battered Skipper is generally funny. Skipper just being Skipper on tour, it’s a shame we’re going to miss that.
OMH: I agree Skip is a total legend and so funny, obviously buying his house is a major reason why he can’t tour. I mean it would been great if Skipper could make it.
MW: Oh never mind, there’s always next year.
OMH: The big talking point over the last couple of months has been the penalty situation. The manager has now named Paul Jarvis as our penalty taker, but who do you think should take the penalties?
MW: Jarvo has never let us down from the spot. To be honest I don’t know how Jarvo lost the job. I think that was another one of Skipper’s interesting decisions (starts laughing). Jarvo’s never missed and he always looks confident.
OMH: What’s your proudest possession?
MW: My Headstone Rangers Number Ten Shirt.
OMH: Why’s that?
MW: Because it’s mine!! (Starts laughing), it’s mine forever.
OMH: Do you want the club badge on it so you can kiss it.
MW: Stop it you’re killing me!!!
OMH: Olly Cotton – Fat or thin?
MW: ummm, he’s a porker. (starts giggling)
OMH: What are your views on last week’s performance in the cup against Linton?
MW: Looking back we didn’t deserve to lose 2-4, but they were possibly the better side. If Jimbob hadn’t made the save late in the second half it might not have gone to extra time.
OMH: Apparently you are going to share with Martin ‘imaginary’ Saunders. Rumour has it that he has another ‘imaginary’ girlfriend will it be a squeeze for all three of you?
MW: Wasn’t she on tour last year? Oh no that was the imaginary one. I really can’t say, we probably won’t see her anyway. (Starts laughing)
OMH: You and Waley have a reputation of going over rather easily, do you dive?
MW: Yes, but Waley is a bigger cheat.
OMH: What is your favourite Headstone Rangers goal?
MW: I like Charlie’s free kick when he shouted ‘yeah baby’ and then denied all knowledge of it. (starts laughing). That was a good goal, I mean I was standing right behind it and I saw it bend round the wall. As much for the reaction as for the effort and Charlie denying all knowledge of it, when it was blatantly him, and you can print that. (starts laughing for another five minutes).
OMH: Is Charlie a showboat?
MW: Yeah, but he’s no Skipper (cracks up for about 100th time in this interview). Yeah Charlie’s got a bit of skill, but Skipper’s got all the tricks (laughs again).
OMH: Rumour has it Skipper can open a beer bottle with his bum cheeks (laughs).
MW: I’ve never seen that, nor do I want to.
OMH: Thanks a lot Matt.
MW: Cheers, give my regards to the family.